I have started exploring transitioning

Ordered women clothes and make up.

Dressing up and see how it feels to be a woman.

Thats my plan.

If I feel better, then next step is to go out dressed as a woman.

Wonder if I will pass as a woman.

I want to figure out if I want to change my sex.

I kind of feel like I want to.

One thing that bothers me is family.

What will they think when they find out?

But I haven't had contact with most of them for several years.

I don't like my parents.

I dont really care what they think.

Why even tell my family? If I hardly have had contact with them the last couple of years and dont care what they think of my plan.....then there is no point in telling.

I don't expect any help from them anyway. This is something I have to do on my own.

I would feel shameful anyway being dressed as a woman in front of them. I imagine that would be very embarrassing at emotionally painful.

If I had loved my parents and I felt like the loved me....that would be one thing....but if I don't even like or respect them?

Hm....I actually feel like just starting on this journey without telling them.

Just change my sex and start a new life.

If they find out, they find out, if not, they don't.

I didn't plan on spending time with them either way.

My main problem is that I'm not happy with myself as I am now.

If transforming myself to a woman can make me happier, it will be worth it.

Im kind of doing it in stealth mode.

I like the word "stealth".

I'm living undercover, he he.

Almost like an alien transforming in secrecy to a human being.

When I'm finished I'm gonna suck your brains out. Need human brain. Me hungry.