Start to transition or not?

I feel shame for feeling like a woman and fantasizing about being one.

But I can't help the way I feel on the inside. It's not my fault.

Why be ashamed of something that is not my fault?

I'm also afraid that I could be mistaken.
What if I start to transition, other people eventually find out...then I discover that I don't want to live as a woman after all?
That would be embarrassing...

Well...transitioning could be a mistake, but it could also be the right thing.

I feel like I want to give it a good try. Haven't done that yet, only dressed up a little bit inside my home, but not really tried to live as a woman.
Haven't gone outside dressed up as a woman yet.

Why do I care so much what others think of me anyway?
Its my life.
I can do what I want with my own life.
And its not like I have a lot to loose.
Life now feels meaningless.......no friends, no partner, no job etc.

All my problems will obviously not go away just because I transition to a woman.

But maybe I cant solve the biggest problem: how to be myself and feel good about it.

Doubt

I have had so much doubt lately.

It kind of freezes me up.

Dont know what direction to go; towards being a woman, being more manly or kind of just be the way I am and try to live with all my dysfunctionalities.

I think the best thing to do is to just accept the doubt and try to live with it.

My brain need more time before I can go 100 % for starting to transition to be a woman.

I need some time to loose weight, get into better shape, get a better condo + find a better way to support myself anyway. Thats gonna take time.

While improving those things I can continue to think about whats right for me.

Maybe the right thing is to start transitioning to be a woman...or maybe not.

Its such a big step to seriously start transitioning. So many things to do, gonna take so much time etc.

Another thing: what if I transition and it doesnt make me happier?I will probably still have social anxiety even if I transition. But maybe it will be easier to find a partner as transexual than as a man that doesn't feel manly at all.