Dont know what to do - Emigrate to Thailand?

I dont know what I am or what to do.

I don't know if Im straight, gay or trans gender.

I don't know how to solve my problems with Avoidance Personality Disorder.

I don't know how to find friends or a partner.

I don't know how to be happy living alone.

I don't know how to improve or find out what to do. Since I have nobody to talk to, how am I supposed to develop or find out what to do? It doest seem possible.

My best guess: emigrate to Thailand. There its easy to find a girl. It just doesnt work for me to continue living like I do. Life feels meaningless. I am lonely and depressed and cant find a solution to my problems, except suicide.

I have tried so many things, different therapists, pills, group therapy, reading self help books, writing a journal, blogging, creating web sites, discussing in forums etc.

Yeah, emigrating to Thailand seems to be the best thing to do. Its better than committing suicide. I don't see any other options right now, but I'm depressed, therefore difficult to think properly.

This is gonna take time

Yes, to change gender takes time.

Years...

And I'm still not 100% certain whether I'm too old or not.

I'm guessing that I'm not.

Its not to late to change gender at an age around 40 is it?

I haven't heard of any age limit yet.

One thing that could be helpful would be to find a friend or friends that are in the same situation.

Yeah...I kind of miss that.

Talking to my self.

Talking to my self.

Tal...etc.

The best way to start

Im getting conflicting advice online from other transsexuals about how to start exploring whether I'm trans gender or not.

One transsexual say explore by dressing up as a woman with make up etc in order to figure stuff out....the other say the best way is to talk to a gender specialized therapist.

Im kind of feel like dressing up first.

Therapy...hm....I have had that before and it didn't help.

But if I decide to actually do it, then its probably a good idea.

I probably need a recommendation or something from a therapist anyway in order to start on hormones etc.

The problem with seeking help and advice from others is that they probably will give it based on their own experiences.

Everybody is different, so what is right for one, may not be right for another.

Its a good thing that trans genders give advice and try to help others in the same situation....but advice is just advice.... I'm the one that should decide what to do when etc. based on what I think is right for me.

I kind of have to be my own advisor.